It starts with a feeling. A low, rumbling feeling just under the surface of awareness. Heat. Flush. Like tiny little ants crawling across your skin. The air in your lungs gets heavier.

Then come the thoughts. Bargaining. If only there is a way I could do it. I don’t want to go back, but I don’t want to go forward. Rationalization. I can try again later. If I can just have this one night to get my head straight. I’ll start again Monday. Maybe I should wait until the first of the month.

And just like that you’re right back where you’ve started.

Anyone who has tried to kick an addiction knows exactly what I’m talking about. Your brain is a master at getting what it wants, and when it wants dopamine, it will serve up some crazy rationalizations. And what happens when you give in reminds me of this ABSOLUTE BANGER by The Weeknd:

Dancing in the flames. That’s exactly how I’d describe addiction. It’s pure ecstasy that you know you’re going to pay for later. So you live it up for now on that promise of “one day.” One day you’ll get clean. One day you’ll stop drinking. One day you’ll figure all this out.

The story of Ol’ Doc Fiction and his love hate relationship with alcohol

I wasn’t always an alcoholic. In fact, I was the opposite of an alcoholic. I liked to drink, but I could only hack it for a few days. Then I’d go months without touching the stuff.

Getting drunk was something I did a few times a year. Even in my bar hopping days, I never really had an issue. I could always stop drinking whenever I wanted.

Until I couldn’t. Until life served up a series of shit sandwiches. Until my mom died.

Then alcohol changed from being this thing I did to have a good time to this thing I did to numb the pain. It was the way I avoided pain because it was too intense. It was a way to distract myself from all the shit that had gone sideways in my life.

The funny thing about pain, however, is that it doesn’t care about your excuses or your attempts to sidestep it. It sits there in the background and waits. You can’t get rid of pain by numbing it, avoiding it, or running from it. There’s only one way I know of to get rid of pain: FACE IT.

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
― Jim Morrison

It doesn’t matter what your addiction is, it’s most likely something you’re using to avoid/numb some form of pain. Here’s the thing about alcohol/nicotine/weed/drugs: they are also an ever escalating need for the next hit of dopamine.

Oh shit did he just drop the hard D in this post? He did indeed.

Dopamine is a chemical (more accurately it’s a neurotransmitter) that is made in your brain. One of the functions of dopamine is to communicate messages between nerve cells in your brain and the rest of your body. It’s a reward center of sorts.

It’s likened to a highway in your brain that gets bigger every time it is activated. It’s the reason why your tolerance to things like alcohol or weed gets higher the more you use them. And it’s probably the number one reason why you get addicted in the first place.

And it’s not just drugs that cause the release of this chemical. You get a dopamine hit when you look at your phone. When you get a text from that girl you like. When someone gives you a compliment. When you eat that absolutely delicious cupcake. It’s that feel good chemical that makes you crave more and more of whatever it is you’re indulging in.

And it’s a giant freaking sinkhole that causes you to go deeper and deeper into the cycle of addiction. It’s also the reason why people who quit smoking tend to gain weight.

Why? Because most of the time the drug you are trying to quit isn’t really the source of your addiction in the first place. For example, if you quit smoking you think you’re trying to beat nicotine, but what you’re really trying to beat is that dopamine hit that nicotine brings you. So if you stop smoking, your brain will start looking for other ways to satisfy that craving.

The Way to Beat Godzilla is with Mothra

“Basically, we’re being attacked by Godzilla, and to beat Godzilla, we need Mothra. No offense.” — Leslie Knope

That quote, taken from the awesome show that is Parks and Recreation, is a good illustration for where I’m going with this post. For those familiar with the show, she says this to Ron Swanson’s second ex-wife, Tammy, in an attempt to recruit her to go after his first ex-wife (also named Tammy).

I’ve talked a little bit about dopamine in this post and how it feeds into addiction, but the reality is that it IS the addiction. People satisfy that addiction in many ways. The addictive behaviors behind the craving, however, tend to take the spotlight.

The solution that’s often touted is to basically cold turkey/white knuckle your way through the first few days of withdrawal. Often you’re encouraged to hand over all of your power in meetings such as Alcoholics Anonymous. I’ve always found it interesting that the most touted way to beat addiction is to admit you are utterly powerless over it.

That has never sat well with me. You hand over all your power and then you’re supposed to beat the addiction by trusting that something beyond yourself is responsible for helping you stay clean? That has always seemed like a load of bunk to me. And the statistics behind it tend to back me up.

According to statistics (which are all over the place depending on what source you choose), the success rate is between 8 and 22%. 22% manage to remain sober for twenty years or more. A success rate of 22% is absolutely abysmal.

And I say that with no offense to those for whom AA has helped. If you’re addicted to alcohol, I think you should try anything and everything you can to get sober. And if AA works for you, more power to you. I’m not trying to throw shade at you.

Instead, I am speaking to the other 78% for whom it’s not working. Maybe you need to try another tactic. Maybe to beat Godzilla you need Mothra. And by Godzilla I mean addiction (i.e. dopamine). And by Mothra I mean serotonin.

The Life Changing Magic of Serotonin

If dopamine is a young, spry party animal who wants and needs more and more to get by, then serotonin is the older, more mature counterpart who finds contentment in the simple things.

Serotonin is another chemical that affects mood, but in this case it’s about homeostasis. That’s a fancy word for balance and serenity. Whereas dopamine wants to amp you up, serotonin is the thing that helps you find that zen-like center.

And I would argue that serotonin is the antidote to dopamine and the true path to sobriety. The bad news is that there is a reason why you don’t hear much about serotonin when it comes to recovery. That’s because it’s the hard path. The things that are required to boost serotonin are not as easy as popping a pill. So let’s talk about them.

1. Move your ass!

The technical jargon is thus: exercise increases serotonin levels by boosting the availability of tryptophan, an amino acid that serves as the precursor to serotonin, in the brain, allowing for increased serotonin synthesis and release. Try to say that five times fast.

But most of us don’t care HOW it happens. Bottom line is if you start exercising, it will have a measurable affect on your mental health. Will it be a miracle cure? Not necessarily. I would wager that for a vast majority of people, getting active would absolutely change their lives though. I know it’s done wonders for me.

Start at whatever level you are comfortable with. If that means taking a half hour walk once a day, then by all means start there. The goal would be to work your way toward a good mix of cardio and strength training with some flexibility stuff thrown in for good measure. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Start small and work from there.

2. Eat right, silly.

Of course you can’t talk about exercise without mentioning diet. In fact, there’s so much about diet that feeds into addiction. Things like heavily processed foods/sugar directly feed that dopamine habit. They are instant rewards with very little benefit. It’s mouth pleasure now with a whole host of health issues later.

So, improving your diet in general is going to have a net positive affect on your mood because it’s going to make you feel better. Things like sugar, caffeine, and alcohol are all wreaking havoc on your body and also feed the addiction cycle. Getting these things under control will help alleviate anxiety, which will play a role in creating the calmer state that serotonin brings (as opposed to the reward cycle of dopamine).

3. Find meaning by creating and connecting with other badass people.

Lets take a look at what Harvard Health has to say about this one:

Making art decreases the stress hormone cortisol, and increases levels of feel-good hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. “At the very least, we’re less stressed and we’re in a better mood,” Dr. Nobel pointed out.

The idea is to find things that give your life meaning. To connect with people you care about. You can’t hole up inside of your house playing video games and expect to be happy. We are social creatures, whether you like it or not. Even if you have social anxiety, the best way to manage it is to face it and learn how to manage it.

Obviously, some of us need time alone to recharge. I’m not advocating for you to ignore your own needs in the name of socialization. I’m saying that taking that to the extreme will lead to unhappiness and depression in most cases.

So find a way to get out and connect with people. Find a way to be creative. Everyone has an outlet for their creativity. Mine is writing. Others create art. Still others restore old cars or work with wood. There are so many ways to meet this need. Go find them.

4. Behold the power of sunlight!

This one kinda cycles back to the “get out of your house” advice mentioned above. There is research that suggests that spending time in the sunlight has many positive effects, including raising serotonin levels and vitamin D levels (which also affects your immune health).

We were never meant to sit inside all day. Our genes are coded with the DNA of ancestors who spent most of their time outside walking around looking for food and hunting. You can kill two birds with one stone here by going for a walk in the park or a hike on a cool trail on sunny days.

5. Meditate, young padawan.

Last but not least, meditation can have powerful effects on serotonin.

Perhaps you’re starting to see a theme here. I’m not asking you to white knuckle your way away from addictions. I’m asking you to re-examine your lifestyle and make changes where necessary. Because the bottom line is this: your mental and physical state is a function of your lifestyle. That might not tell the whole story, but it’s a huge part of it.

I’m asking you to move away from the anxiety and pressure of a risk/reward style of living toward the calmness and slowness of a grounded, healthy, back-to-basics style of living. Do more of what you’re evolved to do: move and connect and create. Do less of what our shitty society pushes you to do: want and consume.

This is your life. Are you really living? Perhaps you can move from “dancing in the flames” to “dancing IN the flames” (i.e. creating flames by dancing uncontrollably to finding ways to dance amid the flames that life already brings). Just a slight shift of perspective. From drinking and doing drugs and wanting more. To finding your Zen in the midst of the shitshow of life. The choice is up to you.